A, I started this blog because of you, and I am writing this entry because of you. It's the first time in days that the fear inside me has melted. I can go to sleep and get some rest. I have digested it internally and in conversation with you. I feel that I'm on a way of sorts. I am strong enough and I have the support that I need when I'm weak. I'm not overenthusiastic, which could be hindering, anyway. I'm just confident that it won't be all that bad, that I can go through the bad and that I can find my way to the good. When I read your e-mail today I was reminded of our vacation this spring. This tiny little tension or row we had - what's that compared to the decades of friendship that have kept us together? Who am I to want perfection in you or me or our friendship? We're as good as it gets - and that way more than you could ask for. Sometimes there's not the right words to say what you feel - and one of those is now. Just let it be felt that the panic has floated off me, and that you're responsible for that. And, by the way, who would call someone across Europe and pay an incredible bill just for the phone? Only friends like you. Thank you for being there.