Just when I wanted to write "Today officially sucks.", floating in comes an e-mail by "formerly known as the one". It's nothing personal, but it's original and fun, and it heightens my state of confusion. Not because feelings suddenly bubble up again - they don't -, but because I am threatening to lose everything to hold on to. Am extremely out-of-sync today. (An occasion to applaud myself to doing things differently than I used to in such situations.) Had too much coffee on the train because the waiter had warned me that the de-caf was gruesome, but I needed the taste and the smell, so I had regular. Which only heightened my feeling of wanting to jump at someone. "Ping! Ping!" at the volume of a gunshot - the guy a few seats across seemed to suffer from hearing loss but still enjoyed receiving text messages on his cell. The guy in the seat behind me adjusted his tray by pushing it into my seat. The young woman near me started an argument on the phone. The conductor charged me 17 Euro - seventeen!!! - because obviously my railpass was invalid for the kind of ticket I had. (Apparently the 20 or so times no one had complained must have been a mistake on the part of all the other conductors.) The original price had been 14 Euro. 17 Euro for an "undeserved" reduction of 5 Euro. Yay! He strode off like an army general. Gee, thank goodness for uniforms and electronic equipment to show who's in charge! I couldn't listen to music and read at the same time, but I couldn't stand the acoustic scenery either. About 30 minutes before my destination I finally got engrossed enough in my book.

Ah, the book, one of those that only seem to fit now even though I've owned them for several years. Now the author speaks right to my very heart.

So that e-mail hit my in-box the very second I thought "shitty day" and only a little after I discovered there is still something unresolved because I am thinking of asking "formerly known as the one" to join me for a movie. I also consider all the repercussions and the numerous difficulties, and I hesitantly admit to myself that no, I really don't want to do anything anymore. Let things run their own course!

So, anyway, it's not the grandest of all days, but I'll go back to also seeing the nice things.