Scheiße, jetzt hat mich die Unsicherheit wieder! Ich sollte diese Tageszeit vermeiden, da scheine ich am anfälligsten!!!

On the plus side: Ich habe etwas Gutes getan. Gut, ich habe etwas Fälliges getan. Ob es für ihn gut war, sei dahingestellt. Bleibt für immer offen, vermute ich. Ich habe Becks ein E-Mail geschrieben, dass es nix wird mit uns. Nee, schon in anderen Worten, aber mit diesem Inhalt. Ich wollte nicht, dass ihm das passiert, was O mit mir getan hat. Ob's wirklich gut war? Hey, I'm just an actress in his life, not the director. So who knows?

No, not Greenwich Village. Just some mountain place around here. Carla and Annie are discussing their problems. Me? The spectator, the occasional sympathetic nod. Sitting on a wooden balcony, trying to catch some of the last spring evening sun.

Carla: He said he wanted to be here on Sunday. Now it's Tuesday. He can never estimate correctly how long the work is gonna take him.
Annie: Er, well, I can't imagine what it's like. Pete is at least reliable, most of the time, but he's gone so often. But if I were your age, I wouldn't want to wait. I'd wait and wait, and before you know it, I'd be over thirty and still be waiting.

(Thanks from the spectator. I'm over thirty. But I guess I don't count since I'm only listening and since I'm not waiting. I'm just thirty, that's it.)

Carla: Seriously, I've begun to wonder that it wouldn't be surprising if I met someone and started to fancy him.
Annie: Hmm, yeah.

I'm glad not to have a guy at that very moment. No guy means no such trouble. Although I do think that ... is different. But that probably only shows the power of wishful thinking and of the early stages of infatuation.

Carla: It used to be okay. I didn't mind being on my own so often. But now I do mind. It has changed. He has basically made up his mind - "I'm going to work up there. My decision." - and tells me I can make up mine. But that doesn't leave any room for the us. There are no shared decisions about our future.
Annie: No,there aren't
Carla: Now, really, I wouldn't be surprised if I met someone and started to like him.
Annie:Hmm.

Which leaves me wondering: Has she already got someone on her mind? I mean, her stressing it twice, doesn't that sound like an excuse beforehand? Like laying the path for what is to come? But has actually started to arrive already?

Will I see ... in two weeks' time? I'm sorry, that's the main thing on my mind right now.